The last time I was “home” for Christmas was 15 years ago.
Can you believe it?
During the month of December it is impossible for me not to think everyday about my
family members that live on the other side of the Atlantic.
Perhaps because they are all so far away my own family is so important to me.
As I was decorating my home for the Holidays my heart melted as I put together my favorite tree.
On this tree are a bunch of gold ornaments and shining white lights but
my favorite items are these frames that hold the pictures of loved ones that are not here anymore.
It makes sense that we refer to this tree as the Memory Tree.
Among the pictures in those frames is this one of my father.
I can’t believe I’m going to share this with you but for some reason I feel I should.
Around this time three years ago I was in bed late at night not able to go to sleep, so I decided to read.
When I turned on the light on my nightstand I saw my journal.
Without a second thought I opened it.
Then, the strangest thing happened, the memory of my father came to me.
This was bizarre since during my entire life, that I remember, I had seen my father perhaps only five times.
Without thinking about it I started writing this man that I barely knew a letter.
The first sentence struck me as I printed on the paper,
“Querido Papa”,
{ Dear Papa }
For most of us those words come natural, in my case I had never called anyone papa in my life.
However that night they came out freely, the name papa came from my heart.
Soon I realized I wasn’t writing to the man that barely knew,
I was writing to the man that my heart ached to know.
I felt strongly I should tell him that I was OK…
That life had been good to me, that he should never worry about the things he did or didn’t do.
I told him him how much I missed the memories we had never made
and how much I looked forward to start making them.
Just like that the tiredness of a long day all of a sudden hit me.
I fell asleep that night with a fervent and sweet desire to get to know my father, my papa, my dad better,
and at the same time with the feeling that I belonged to him.
It was like an early Christmas gift from heaven.
I felt so close being so far away.
Like my dad was thinking about me that night as much as I was thinking about him.
I went to sleep with the determination of finishing the letter later and starting a relationship that
should have begun over 30 years earlier.
However in the morning life went on and I never finished that letter.
If I tell you the truth I never thought about it again until almost two months later.
{ Beautiful Free Printable by 517 Creations }
I was cleaning my kitchen like any other day when the phone rang and the familiar voice of my mama
told me that my father had come down extremely ill unexpectedly.
Overnight his condition took a turn for the worse and unfortunately in less than a week he was gone.
I can’t recall a time that I had cried the way I did when I learned my father had passed away.
As tears filled my eyes the memory of the letter that I never finished,
the unsaid words, the fervent sweet desire to know him better all hit me at once.
And there, over 7,000 miles away, so far but so close again to this being that I belong to,
the words came out of my lips:
“I love you papa”
I said it, I said the words at loud.
I said them time after time, I said them for all of those years that I didn’t,
I said them until I felt he knew it.
I said them until I felt he was saying it back.
Since that experience I determined that I would never wait again.
That I would never let the everyday life take the place of the things that really matter.
That day I determined to stop on the journey to look into someone’s eyes a little deeper,
to hold my children a little longer, to say I love you with true intention.
That day I determined to never again have “unfinished letters”,
or miss memories that I had never made.
As I get older more I realize how precious this life is.
I have learned that as we forgive, as we forget, as we are forgiven,
our silent fervent desires are heard and nothing is impossible or too far again.
I am grateful for this Season when we specially remember and celebrate the birth of our Savior.
A season when we are reminded that we all can and should finish those unfinished letters,
that we can say those unspoken words, build and even rebuild relationships
and make those special memories that will belong to each of us forever.
Thank you for stopping by today my friends.
Wishing you all a beautiful Sunday.
Desirée
A very special post–Thank you
You have an amazing soul! Yes you made me cry! Thanks for sharing your beautiful thoughts and things each day they make me smile!
I’m so glad you shared your story. It was so touching and brought tears to my eyes. We often take for granted how precious our time is with loved ones. I was adopted and decided 20 years ago to find my birthmother – I had so many unresolved feelings, etc. It was one of the best things I ever did. Some people thought I was being mean and hurtful to my Mom that raised me, but that was never my intention….I just felt incomplete, well after finding her it was wonderful – such a blessing to my family. I finally felt whole. I never hated – resented – or was ever angry with her….I loved her for giving me up for ME. She passed away very unexpectedly 3 years ago and I and blessed that me and my family had the time we had with her. Now, I never take my family and friends for granted. I try to make sure each and everyday they know how much they mean to me and how thankful I am for them. Sometimes you just never know. You said exactly what everyone should hear. Thank you….you are such a special person, your blog is a wonderful part of my days. 🙂
I really enjoyed your story. I too have a father I never knew. I have felt all of the things you mentioned in your letter. I have been too afraid to contact him, because I think I couldn’t handle it if it doesn’t go well. Lots of questions though. I think maybe I will be brave, and do it!
Have a Merry Christmas!
I’m so glad you shared your story. It was so touching and brought tears to my eyes. We often take for granted how precious our time is with loved ones. You said exactly what everyone should hear. Thank you!
Corinne,
Thank you so much for taking the time to read it and leave me such a sweet comment…♥
what a special story. and a great reminder of how we should live. thank you so much for sharing it with us!
xoxo
jen
That was beautiful! I really miss those stories that you would share with our YW. You have such a way with stories from your life and how they help all of us that get to hear them. We miss you!
Thank you for reminding me how fragile life is…I needed to hear this today.
oh my goodness, I could have written your post. my dear dad also passed away unexpectedly and I have not been “home” in 11 years. I miss him so much still, every day. Hugs to you and thank you for a beautiful post.
Well the tears are flowing here this early morning…all I can say is he did hear you and that I love you! hugs my friend and you create a little miracle each day for so many!